


All the Ways To Kill a Girl (Bullets, Flowers and More)

by Jane_Dorocak



Series: PH hanahaki AU [5]
Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, At least I think it's angst, Blood, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, I'm back with my flora induced regurgitation bs, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, standard hanahaki-related trauma stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28611360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jane_Dorocak/pseuds/Jane_Dorocak
Summary: Lauren and I are dating.BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMFive words. Five bullets, straight through her heart.OrLadellair hanahaki fic. Nuff said. (you know the drill.)
Relationships: Kym Ladell/Lauren Sinclair
Series: PH hanahaki AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767712
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	All the Ways To Kill a Girl (Bullets, Flowers and More)

**Author's Note:**

> Me to my brain: Okay it's time to finish those assignment for school.  
> My brain: No I'm getting creative juices.  
> Me: Good, then does it mean we can continue with Superman Syndrome.  
> My brain: No.  
> Me: Then that soulmate fic you started in October?  
> My brain: No.  
> Me: Then what?  
> My brain: A ladellair fic.  
> Me: A what now?  
> My brain: Make it two.  
> Me: Okay, can you please focus-  
> My brain: And one is going to be hanahaki.  
> Me sobbing in the corner: This is exactly why I want a divorce.
> 
> (Dw the assignments are already handed in and SupSynd new chapter is underway in near future. I just hope I haven't jinxed myself rn)
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING: BLOOD AND VOMITING**  
>  (I mean... you've seen the tags)

Kym used to spend a lot of time on a shooting range. And one could say she was very familiar with the weight of a gun in her hands. She knew the satisfying click of the filled out cylinder, recognized the gentle resistance of the trigger before she pulled it, the pushback of the weapon as she fired, jerking her shoulders lightly pushing the gun deeper into her hands.

What she did not know, what the taste of the bullet itself.

That was until today.

_Lauren and I are dating._

_BAM_

_BAM_

_BAM_

_BAM_

_BAM_

Five words. Five bullets, straight through her heart.

Kym feels herself staggering and barely stops her hands for reaching to her chest. This doesn't make sense - yes she joked about it but-

"You guys are dating!" she spits out in shock - words instead of blood.

"How is that possible, since when?"

"Uhmm," Lauren mumbled, but Kieran comes to her aid.

"Two months," the verdict comes from his mouth loud and clear.

Two months. that means she must have started dating him right after that last failed date... right around the time Purple Hyacinth struck again, and the first petal appeared.

It suddenly makes too much sense.

She wants to cry.

She wants to laugh.

Instead, she sways back dramatically, true feelings hidden behind a charade.

"How could you hide this from us, Lauren?! I thought we were besties!"

"Sorry," Lauren mumbles a half-stunned apology.

"It's my fault," Kieran mixes in again, explaining the situation.

"I asked her not to talk about it because I didn't want it to interfere with the hiring decisions. Considering, now we're coworkers-"

Will nods.

"I understand. We won't ask-" 

"I want to know everything!" Kym doesn't even know what prompts her response - the need to play a good supportive friend, to hide her feelings, or to figure out what happened, why were they together why was Lauren keeping it from her again, another unnecessary secret.

And Kieran and Lauren reply, awkwardly and not every enthusiastically, and Kym only beams, adding more and more questions, squealing and aw-ing at the replies, and just being happy her friend is finally getting some, all the way until Will forces her to stay still and both Kieran and Lauren excuse themselves for some important business.

The moment they are gone, she darts into the bathroom, barely making it to the sink before the red mass comes bubbling from her mouth, messing up the white porcelain.

She stares at the bloody mess clogging the sink, eyes wide, and all the same painfully apprehensive as she wipes up her mouth.

"Didn't realize I ate this much watermelon," she jokes to no one but herself, but then her hand trails down onto the sink, picking up one flower more red than white as it should be. She sighs but before she could as much as start crying, the door behind her open and she briskly lowers herself down, turning on the faucet, to clean the worst mess.

"Bad nosebleed," she smiles at the newcomer who frowns at the bloodied stain on her shirt and on the edge of the sink.

"Don't worry, I'll clean it up."

She looks up to her reflection in the mirror.

The other officer just nods and tactfully turns to leave.

Kym watches as the door close and at last releases a small sigh, using the sleeve of the already ruined shirt to wipe the blood from the edge of the sink.

"You really picked a bad time to come with this, you know," she jokes weakly to her reflection.

"Don't blame me," the reflection replies mutely.

"You had this long time coming."

***

When Kym was little, her favourite bedtime story was the one about how her parents met. Well, not exactly how they met, since they knew each other since high school, more so, how they confessed to each other.

"I was really nervous," her father would always say as she sat on his knee, eyes wide with expectation and wonder.

"I knew your mother for about a year, and we were really good friends. She was smart and kind and brave and just beautiful and I felt like she was completely out of my league. I never even planned on confessing, to be honest - and then I started coughing up flowers. Blue irises, your mom's favourite. I knew it was for her and that I should confess, but didn't want her to freak out because of the flowers or feel pressured to saying yes, just to save me from my illness. So I didn't say anything for a long time. Just coughing up irises night and day. Quite ready to accept my fate."

"Your dad was very lucky I had a crush on him too," her mom added smiling.

"I was actually about to confess when I caught him having a fit. I was furious - not because he had a crush on someone else but because he never told me. I ended up trying to persuade him to confess to his crush for three hours and in the end, I was so exasperated I just let my own confession slip."

She would always blush slightly at that part of the story making little Kym laugh and her older sister roll her eyes in exasperation.

"Mom and dad were so silly!" Kym giggled and her sister would nod and add.

"You should have just told each other!"

"Oh, come now, you little know-it-alls," her father would roll his eyes at her good-naturedly as he picked the smaller girl up to tug her to the bed.

"Love is not that simple. And if you already have a good relationship with the other person… well, you don't want to lose it. You'll get it when you are older. And now, hurry up and sleep you too! It's very late."

***

Yes, that used to be Kym's favourite most romantic story of all times. And conversely, she considered hanahaki one of the most romantic illnesses. To throw up flowers for your loved one… how poetic was that? Even now as she was heaving heavily each day, she couldn't deny the brutal beauty of it all.

Of course, Kym was in love with Lauren long before the flowers appeared. One might say it was from the day one, when they met in the archives, her running away and Lauren so benevolently offering her shelter. Kym immediately knew there was something different about back then a detective - she was much brighter than anyone else, much sharper and they struck a friendship right away. Kym never had a problem to be around people and could easily befriend almost everyone, but the friendship she had with Lauren was somewhat more special, more intimate. Perhaps it had something to do with their shared trauma. Or just that they completed each other nicely - Lauren being an absolute workaholic and Kym being an easy-going rogue.

She did not realize how deep those feelings run however until almost a year to their friendship when she first saved Lauren from a bad date and then couldn't help but wonder for the entire night how much better it would be if she was the one to go on that date with Lauren instead of some nameless guy, who most probably lied through his every other word.

She was ready to confess the next day - in her impulsivity, she never thought much to prepare or second-guess her emotions - but the next day was the day of Sake's interrogation... and Lauren's demotion. And then came Sake's accident, which Luren was blamed for, and she got just too much on her plate and Kym might have been impulsive, yes, but she could also read the situation and she could see this was not the time. And so decided to let it go for now and instead stay by Luren's side like she always did - cheerful and joking, never taking anything seriously, ever the jester Kym, because that's what Lauren after all; an easy-going friend who would lift her spirits, someone she could lean on but who wouldn't tie her down…

And that was enough.

That was enough until that one night when Lauren decided to run off chasing the mysterious figure, not knowing the man she was hurrying towards welcomed death with a blade and flowers and Kym's throat for the first time squeezed so hard she couldn't breathe. Lauren reappeared afterwards, and thankfully she was harmed only lightly, but still, the tightness that settled in Kym's chest did not let go.

the flower came shortly afterwards, though only sporadically and never in public. She knew what they meant right away. White daisies, pure and innocent and Lauren's all-time favourite.

But she still thought she would have some time. That she could wait for better timing, after Allendale anniversary or after Lauren figures out her own things.

Little did she know it was too late back already.

And now Lauren was completely out of her reach and the illness was spreading quickly as if Kieran's confession scared the flowers into growing faster.

In the mere three days since the announcement, Kym coughs up a handful several times a day and each morning she has to gather the petals - thankfully somehow bloodless - from her bed so her mother wouldn't find it later by accident.

She doesn't want her parents to worry about it. For them, the hanahaki was a dangerous but in the end, not a lethal illness. She did not have the heart to turn their love story into their daughter epitaph.

***

First one to notice is Lukas of all people. Well, it isn't that he notices something as much as Kym basically throws up into his face.

She's just having another fit in the breakroom, heaving over the counter into the small sink, when she hears someone approach and she jumps up, nerves tense from all the stress.

Her eyes lock with Randall's, slightly widened with surprise. For a moment neither of the moves, the awkward starring contest in session, but then Luaks just grumbles or groans or does one of his Lukas' sounds and turns over, leaving Kym behind to clean her mess.

He doesn't speak about it afterwards though and Kym is eternally grateful for that fact. She has enough unwanted attention as it is - despite successfully hidding the flowers from her coworkers, she cannot completely hide the coughing fits or the shortness of breath and so most of the days, she is greeted with worried glances, not too subtle questions and suggestions to go see the doctor, and cup upon cup of herbal tea from Lila. She waves off all the concerns and well-meant but pointless advice and dutifully sips on the tea, all the while trying to ignore her inevitable end approaching.

She hopes Lukas avoiding her means he doesn't want to talk about it too, unfortunately, that is no the case.

It's about three days later. It's only the two of them in the office, just finishing some paperwork, when he comes to her desk, his figure loaning over her papers in the typical Grumpy Cat manner.

"Oh, Randall!" Kym smiles at him once she stops choking - this time on the tea she chugged as he appeared out of nowhere. He's quite intimidating especially when he stands and she sits down and her mind immediately rushes through all the possible mishaps she might have committed in the past few days or hours which could warrant him threatening to kill her again.

He doesn't respond to her greeting instead of shaking his head like he was trying to get rid of a fly.

Then, at last, he pulls out something from his pocket and throws it at Kym's desk.

The small metal box clinks as it bounces off the wood.

"Here," he growls.

Kym frowns as she opens the box.

"Coughing pills?" she asks, a bit confused.

"Wau, I never expected you'd be among those who care for my well-being, Randall. I mean no offence but-"

A short bark of laughter from Luka's mouth makes her jump up.

"No," the man replies, his face immediately turning to his monotone expression.

"These are for treating hanahaki." 

"What?" Kym blinks two more times as if that should have helped her better hear what he was saying.

Lukas groans.

"Hana-haki. The flower puking thing you have. These pills help to stop coughing."

"Oh, no, I meant, how did you-" Kym mumbles, still baffled Lukas both knew about this sort of thing, but more importantly - cared enough to give it to her…

"I know a guy," Lukas replies with a shrug.

"So?"

"So?" Kym parrots back again. Lukas unsurprisingly does not find it entertaining.

"What are you going to do about it, Ladell? The pills will only slow down the symptoms, not stop it completely," he says plainly.

"If you don't do something, you die." 

Kym opens her mouth to give a witty retort but then lets her shoulders drop again, her gaze falling onto the metal box.

"I… I don't know," she breathes out, " I mean What could I do? I can't confess. The person I have a crush on is in a relationship with someone else," she sighs more to herself than to him.

"And think of me what you want, Randall, but I'm no housewrecker."

Lukas rolls his, eyes.

cThatvs what the surgery is for."

"Surgery?" Kym frowns in confusion. She never heard of such option - but then again her only sources were her parents and that handful of fairy tales she heard about an illness - and all of those ended either with happy ever after or death.

"What, they remove the flowers out or something? Isn't that dangerous?"

"It's effective," Lukas replies.

"It erases the memories of whoever you loved - but you will live."

"Really?" 

If Kym's eyes could go wider, they would consume the rest of her face. 

"How do you know that?"

Luks pauses for a second and it looks like he might turn around, but then he relents, crossing his hands over his chest.

"My younger sister had it a few years ago," he mumbles, looking over Kym's shoulder.

"Hanahaki and then surgery. I would have beaten the guy she had a crush on to the pulp if it wasn't for the fact he was too old for her and already married anyway."

"Oh," Kym notes, her eyes widening slightly in surprise.

"I didn't… know that."

Lukas once again just shrugs, his eyes trailing over the room.

"It's just a suggestion. After all, we cannot afford to lose you right now."

Kym's eyes dart back to Harvey's old place, but still, she managed a smile as she leaned up against her hands.

"Awww, Lukas! You do care!"

"I don't-!" Lukas jumped up as if she pinched him but then just pinches the bridge of his nose and frowning he turns to leave.

"I'm going for a cup of coffee. I'll bring you one if you promise to behave." 

"Oh. Alright, I will try," Kym's smile dialled back a bit, still present though now filled with melancholy.

"And Lukas!" she calls but when he's at the door.

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For the pills… and for telling me about the other option."

He doesn't as much as turn around, but she can see as his shoulders drop with a sigh.

"Sure. Just consider it."

***

The pills work, thankfully. In two days, Kym is back to her normal usual self, and even seeing Kieran and Lauren together does not push the flowers from her chest. She can still feel them though. Silently growing and filling her chest like poison.

She thinks about Lukas' other suggestion too - to no one's surprise, but hers she does. No, she doesn't want to lose Lauren of course, but confessing to her friend is a lost cause, she knows as much as she still has her friends and parents… and oh god, she cannot let them lose another child. Burying her sister was painful enough, and the years might have turned the wound of her loss into a scar, but that scar would never vanish. Kym couldn't add another one to that.

They wouldn't survive it. 

"So much for seeing you soon, huh?" she smiles bitterly at her watch before putting them away.

She could almost see her sister scolding her the same way she used to scold her parents about the illness.

_"It's just a stupid confession! Just do it. You never know..."_

Only Kym did know. After all, Lauren is dating someone else. She couldn't burden her with her feelings, no matter how genuine they are.

But wasn't like she could hide it if she goes for the surgery either - not her sudden hospitalization or the fact that afterwards, she won't even recall Lauren.

Lauren will know, of course, she will, because - even though she's a bit more withdrawn these days, possibly because of her boyfriend or even because of other stuff Kym does not want to think of - she is still too damn observant and she still has those lie-detecting skills of her. It would take just one word from Kym, one lie and she will know something's off and knowing her, she wouldn't stop until she figures it all out.

Would she be angry? Kym muses over and over as she lies in bed, too scared of the flowers to sleep. 

Disappointed? Baffled? Uncomfortable to know? 

She knows Lauren well enough to know the other woman is not against same-sex relationships, but that is one thing and the other is her best friend secretly pining for her for months and never telling her. And then there is - once again - the little detail called Kieran White the Boyfriend… Though as Kym thinks about it she realizes, something may be off about that relationship. Lauren seems to vehemently deny any sort of attraction to him. At times Kym feels like Lauren was doing just so she wouldn't feel bad, but honestly…

 _No Kym!_ She scolds herself immediately for the thought.

_That's just… that's just jealousy talking. Snap out of it._

_And try to use that big brain of yours for something useful for once._

Even though, she takes an entire week to come to a decision - she will tell Lauren of her feelings, at the New Year's party of her uncle. Yes, that would be a good place to tell her. A new year, a new chance. It would be fitting… She will just tell her about her feelings and once she gets rejected she happily undergoes surgery.

She just hopes it's not too late for that.

***

"Kym!" Lauren laughs inviting her in. She's wearing a sleeveless dress for the night, the smooth white gold silk embroidered with sequins and beads in silver and bronze, the sharp geometrical patterns they form over the shoulders and front of the dress glimmering and shifting in the light of the ballroom, and Kym has to take a second to remind herself how to breathe before she steps in.

"Hi Lauren!" she gives her friend a smirk confident enough to hide whatever inappropriate thoughts might be hiding behind her eyes.

"Don't you look like the star of the evening?"

Lauren rolls her eyes, the champagne from the empty flute in her hand already painting her cheeks lovely rosy color.

"Right back at you, Miss fancy dress!"

"Hey, this is my best one!" Kym protest, adjusting the dark blue senquined surface of her dress with one gloved hand. It's sleeveless and reaching down over her knees just like Lauren's, but the cut is much simpler and less layered and with the textile flowers serving as one strap and a layer of frills forming the skirt she feels almost like a small child overdressed for a fancy party. Her mom pearls aren't helping her situation either. 

"Oh no, I mean - you look beautiful," Lauren quickly adds and suddenly Kym wishes she could get a glass of that champagne to hide her own blush behind an excuse.

"Oh, thanks," she stammers at last, praying for the groudn to swallow her whole.

Lauren chuckles.

"I was honestly half expecting you to climb in through the window or something. Don't tell me someone really did die for you to use the front door."

"What? Oh no!" Kym grins after she gathers herself from the initial shock.

"It just seemed appropriate for once. Wouldn't want your other guests to look at me like I was a barbarian."

"You mean my uncle's guests," Lauren sighs.

"I don't know about half the people here and those I know I don't really like."

She turns to Kym and winks at her.

"It's nice to have at least one kindred soul at this party."

"Oh, believe me, I'm here just for the free food," Kym lets out one harmless lie as she uses her time to finally steal a flute of champagne from the coming by a servant and gulps down half of it.

"What about Willame?" she adds once the fizzy drink washes down the flowers forcing their way out.

"I mean he's your good friend as well."

Lauren hesitates for a moment, the alcoholic blush only deepening, but before she could respond a familiar voice comes from behind her making both women turn.

"M'lady."

And of course, it's Kieran smiling and suave like always or perhaps even more so.

"Kieran!" Kym shouts out surprised, a grin jumping on her face with the force of habit.

"Oh god, you surprised us."

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to," he replies slightly embarrassed, before turning to Lauren with a small bouquet of beautiful blue and white flowers.

"I wasn't sure if this was appropriate but since we're dating..."

"Oh, right!" Lauren grabbed the bouquet her motions suddenly jerky and this time Kym was sure it wasn't the alcohol that dyed her cheeks pink as she scrutinized the flowers.

"What are these?"

"Morning Glory," Kieran replies.

"One of a few flowers that bloom in the night. It seems fitting considering this is a late evening event."

"Oh," for a moment Lauren looks like she could punch him, but then she brings them to her face to smell them, a hesitant strained smile appearing on her lips.

"They are beautiful. I should put them in a vase," she says gesturing over the decorated ballroom.

"In the meantime - enjoy yourself!"

And with that she whiskers away.

"I'd say she's quite smitten by you," Kym notes, elbowing Kieran.

"Huh?" Kieran blink in surprise.

"Well, I would hope so. Lauren is very hard to read sometimes."

He says that with such a kind-hearted smile on his face and Kym feels like crying. 

"But you knew her much longer than I ever did," he adds with a shrug.

"You two have a close bond that I can only quietly envy."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Kym unwittingly smiles despite the bitter irony of his words and suddenly she feels very giddy, almost shivering with the need to do something anything to distract them. She disposes of her empty glass, grabbing two glasses of wine and whirling to Kieran, grin wide on her face.

"Alright, you heard your girlfriend. Let's enjoy the party!"

She throws a sideways glance to the more distant corner and leans in closer, handing Kieran his glass.

"And we can start with saving Willame from his crocodile dad and his friends over at that end."

"Why croco- aaah I see," Kieran nods as his glance matches the direction in which Kym is pointing and he smirks back at the woman.

"Well, in that case, lead the way, Sergeant."

***

The operation Save Willam Hawkes from Power-hungry Peacocks as Kym dubbed it in her mind went surprisingly swimmingly and wit no major casualties, the group of three finally settles at the end of the ballroom. All three of them giddy and giggling over the second glass of wine.

"I see you three are having fun," Lauren approaches them from behind.

"Laur!" Kym raises a glass high up.

"Here you are! We were getting worried we would have to make another rescue mission."

"Rescue mission?" Lauren tilts her head in inquiry, but one glance over at Will seems to clarify things enough for her, as she nods.

"Your dad dragged you into another unpleasant conversation?"

"You know he always does." Will sighs.

"Luckily, this time it at least wasn't about another fitting match for an arranged marriage."

"He's trying that?" Lauren sighs, shaking her head.

"I thought he would finally let it go. Sorry I left you alone before."

Will shakes his head at her. 

"It's fine. You are the niece of the host. You have your social duties too. Speaking of," he sighs as the music picks up, first couples already on the dance floor.

"Looks like dancing will start soon. I should find a partner before I get berated for not socializing with young ladies again."

Lauren visibly tenses at the commotion and Kieran gives out a weary sigh.

"Well, my lady?" he offers her a hand and a bow.

"Shall you allow me to take you to the dance?"

"I'm sorry, but my first dance always goes to Kym," Lauren retorts with a smirk.

Kym gulps lightly, the flowers in her chest shivering like they were in a storm. She's glad she took two pills before she came her or else she would me spitting out flowers like crazy. 

"Oh, don't worry, Laur!" she laughs out loud.

"I mean Kieran is your boyfriend. Don't let me mingle-"

"Nonsense!" Lauren grabs her by the arm giving Kieran one poignant look.

"Kieran can wait. There will be plenty of chances to dance afterwards, anyways.”

Kieran frowns slightly in surprise but then he relents and smiles.

"Sure, darling. Enjoy yourself."

Lauren leads Kym to the dance floor, no to the complete centre but not the edge either and the two take up their position, Lauren as the taller one picking the man's role and Kym doing her best to follow up on her friend's steps and thanking the stars they are both wearing gloves so Laurne's won't notice how her hands suddenly became unually sweaty.

The song is a bit slow though not too intimate, just appropriate song at the beginning of such polite official gathering like this, though Kym doesn't protest. She hasn't danced for a while now and anything faster or more complex than a waltz would be too much for her feet right now.

"You're stepping on my feet!" Lauren chuckles.

"I'm just trying to keep up!" Kym protests also laughing.

"You're making too long steps!"

"And you're making all the wrong steps."

"Heeey!" Kym protests loudly, "you did not complain this much a year ago. You remember? When Will and I danced every single dance with you just so your suitors would leave you?"

"That's emotional blackmail!" Lauren cries out quietly.

"And you did dance better back then."

"I had more training," Kym replies.

"Will drilled us with the right steps every week for two months, just so we would be able to represent."

She rolls her eyes in exasperation, and Lauren chuckles again

"I see," she notes, twirling Kym around, before pulling her closer.

"Well, in that case, we should renew those. Remind me of that the next time we have a girl's night off."

"Oh, my stars!" Kym jokes, pulling slightly away because they are too close way too close and as alluring as that is-

"Lauren Sinclair is thinking about a time off? What happened to you. Are you still my friend?" she stops abruptly to grab Lauren's face, and the other girl trips over her, almost dropping them both to the ground.

"Kym watch it!" she gets out, barely making a turn picking up the pace fo the song.

"We're still dancing!"

"But I need to know if this is really you, Laur," Kym protests back even though she relents, letting Lauren take the lead again.

"Cannot dance with an impostor." 

"Cross my heart, hope to die," Lauren replies with a smirk.

"I was not replaced by a doppelganger."

Km squints her eyes.

"Hmmm. I dunno," she pouts.

Lauren makes an obligatory annoyed eye roll at the comment, before making Kym twirl around her axis and then pulling her closer again.

They got right under the chandelier and the light of the candles reflects of Lauren's dress, making her shine like the brightest star even without any jewerly, but then again whe Lauren needed any of that to look beautiful. A few strands of hair released from under her headband as they were dancing now they are swaying around Lauren's face, their uncompromising red softened somewhat by the warm glow. The only thing that stays unchanged is her lipstick, rich burgundy against ivory skin, slighly flushed over the dancing and laughter, and Kym is suddenly startled to realize how much that color suits her.

Lauren notices Kym staring, and she tilts her head slightly as the music dies out and she stops.

"Are you alright, Kym?"

"I-" Kym licks her dry lips. Lauren is just so… beautiful at this point, it almost hurts to look at her and she could feel the burning coils of anxiety lighting up in the pit of her stomach, the flower in her chest shivering in fear from the fire.

_Now's the time. Now or never, Kym!_

"Laur, can-"

"Excuse me, can I have the next dance?" a stranger's voice interrupts taking the request from her own lips. 

No, not stranger's.

Kieran's.

Kym looks up to see Kieran has made his way to the duo, his expression nonchalant, though Kym does notice now his hands fidget as if he was readying himself for a fight.

"Kieran?" Lauren frowns but as she looks around, she could see a new song is about to start, the dancers already switching partners.

Lauren throws Kym one quilty glance but then nods.

"Alright then. Sorry, Kym, We'll talk later."

"Oooh," Kym gives her a playful smirk, which the red-head dutifully rolls her eyes at.

"Very well then. But don't step on his feet too much!"

"Hey-" she can hear Lauren protest but at that point, she's already turning away laughing, quickly vanishing to the gardens before someone could see the teras and flowers burning their way out through her skin.

She somehow manages to run all the way to the back of the garden before the need to vomit overwhelms her and she heaves over the bushes, thankful to the darkness of the night for covering her tracks.

_Sorry, Kym. We'll talk later._

That's five more bullets, isn't it? How come her chest isn't bleeding?

Kym looks down on her stubbornly clean dress and leans against the nearest tree, her arms wrapping around her shoulders as she stars up to the sky.

"No stars tonight," she mumbles to herself.

No stars, no sun, no hope, only the moon peeking through the clouds, pale like the skin of a dead fish, a blind eye - and inside Lauren, more brilliant than all the suns in the galaxy and shining for someone else.

 _You're pathetically jealous,_ Kym chuckles for herself.

_Stupidly and foolishly jealous._

_What would your sister tell you about that?_

_That's right, she would tell you to stop moping and either fight or give up. You can still do it._

_At least be honest, Kym._

_You owe her that much._

She pops two more pills she got from Lucas and pushes herself off the tree, making her return back to the golden light of the ball.

But before she passes through the balcony, Will crosses her path slightly but visibly flustered.

"Here you are!" he lights up a bit when he sees her. 

"What are you doing out in the cold? And with no jacket on top of that? Do you want to catch a cold?"

"I'm fine," Kym grimaces, though she is shivering slightly.

"But what about you? You look flustered."

Will runs his hands over the back of his neck awkwardly and tilts his head up looking to the sky.

"I just needed some fresh air... Someone hanged up the mistletoe and I want to avoid any possible shenanigans related to that."

He makes very sour face as he looks over his shoulder and even though he's blocking most of her view, Kym can imagine the flock of young and not so young ladies making their eeys at him.

“Understandable,” Kym nods when a loud cheer comes from the outside.

“Hey, what’s going on?” she frowns, and Will turns around.

“Oh, it looks like someone pulled Lauren and Kieran under the mistletoe. They’re kissing,” he comments.

He says something more, but Kym cannot hear him over the bullet ricocheting through her heart.

_They’re kissing._

_They are beautiful. Thank you._

_There will be plenty of chances to dance afterwards._

_Sorry, Kym. We'll talk later._

How many bullets is that? Surely way too many for her heart to hold together.

And still, it does – and after a short break to the bathroom, she enters the ballroom again, and squeals, and laugh, and jokes to Kieran about finally getting to another base, completely ignoring Lauren's protests of "it wasn't like I wanted to. We just happened to stand under a mistletoe, and everyone was looking".

And then she has a few more drinks and she has a cake and it's such a good cake despite the fact it's not watermelon one, and she even strikes one dance with Will more-less to save his from another dance with Miss Darcy who as sweet as she seems has two left feet, because that's, after all, what she is here for, a goofy friend that saves others from bad hookups, and she's happy for everyone, and kisses Will and Lauren and Kieran on the cheeks and wishes everyone a happy year and-

And then she goes home.

She downs the rest of the pills from Lukas and goes to sleep.

She still wakes up to a bed covered in white petals, and her mother's concerned gaze as she asks Kym to stay home for the day, she had such a bad cough.

Kym gives her an encouraging smile.

"It's okay mom. It's just a bit of cold. My coworker has very good coughing drops. I'll ask him for it."

***

Lukas is more than irritated when she asks him for more.

"If they don't work anymore, it means it's in the last stage," he warns her.

"Go for the fucking surgery, Ladell."

She gives him a tight-lipped grin.

"I'll be fine, Lukas."

"My sister used to say the same."

His voice isn't even threatening or angry. Just resigned.

And as Kym makes her way to her desk, another cup of tea with a get-well note from Lila awaiting her, she cannot help but think how pitiful she must look to require the concern of Lukas Grumpy Cat Randall of all people.

***

"There!"

"APD! Stop in the name of the law!"

A set of boots rushes over the moonlit cobblestone, guns drawn and ready, muscles tense, adrenalin high.

Kym curses as she rushes through the narrow alleyways of the old docks, a dozen other officers along with her.

It was just two days after the New Year when they got an anonymous tip - and for once that tip was correct it seemed as two figures have sprung out of one of Flemmings’ storages, neither of them stopping at the cries of the uniformed officers.

They almost get them, several officers, ready to shoot, when one of the figures whirls around throwing a gas bomb in their direction.

"Watch out! Kym cries out, jumping into a side alley to escape the smoke, not stopping in her pursuit. If she saw correctly, they’ve turned left, so if she turns right she should cross them-

"Freeze!" she turns the corner, raising her gun at two figures, cornering them.

This time there are no words to pierce her heart.

Just one image. Lauren and Kieran standing side by side, masked and in coats, him holding a sword, her a gun, both frozen in place.

Lauren's eyes widen as she sees her friend, one hand rising protectively over Kieran, perhaps to stop him or to shield him, Kym doesn't know.

Neither of them speaks a word.

No words, but this image hurts them all the most, shattering her heart like a grenade. Who needs a precise aim when you can cause so much damage by pulling one little string?

The talkie at Kym's belt cracks and both parties jump.

Kym's eyes dart to the device for a second, and when she looks up, she only catches the vanishing silhouettes, Kieran dragging Lauren behind him as they disappear behind a door she failed to notice before.

The walkie-talkie cracks again.

"Ladell! Are you there? Over." Lukas' voice sounds mechanic and unreal, but so does the rest of the world.

She picks the walkie-talkie and replies.

"I lost track of them. Over."

The belated reaction finally comes, and she heaves blood and bleeds flowers for a solid five minutes until others find her, leaning against the wall, gasping for breath, daisies so bloody they no longer resemble anything living splayed in the shadow, safely hidden from the concerned looks. The ultimate proof of her desperation.

***

She doesn't go to work the next day. She calls in sick. When she announces it to Lila over the phone, she can almost hear the relief in the woman's voice as she reminds Kym to "take it easy" and "rest well" and "see a doctor if it gets worse", and she couldn't help but grin at her own.

To her parents, she tells she's sick too but does not specify. Luckily both of them seem to assume it is cold she caught at Sinclair’s party and neither of them pushes for an explanation.

A small blessing in her mess.

She knows she will have to tell them eventually, but first, she has to write some stuff down.

Last night clarified at least one thing for her - the surgery was the better option. She knew too much, she knew of Lune's identity, but if she truly loses her memories with the flowers, well then - Lauren will be safe. From her anyways.

What a lovely clean solution, she muses as she sits down at her desk.

Yes, simple and clean.

She will write Lauren a short letter explaining - well maybe not everything but at least something and then she can get herself admitted to the hospital…

Simple and clean.

If only the paper in front of her wasn't getting blurry with the tears.

***

She manages to get through half of the letter when she hears the gentle knocking onto the window.

She looks up, frowning and confused, just to see Lauren perching on her windowsill like a little lost bird, her eyes darting over her shoulder as if she was followed.

It takes her a moment to comprehend the situation before she climbs from her chair and to the window opening it.

"Lauren?" she peeps out pinching her cheek to make sure this is not a dream as the other woman climbs into her room, closing the window behind her.

"Sorry for barging in like this," the red-head smiles awkwardly, cradling her neck.

"I just didn't want to run into Will or Lila on my way here. They wanted to visit, but I need to talk to you… in private."

She looks up, her large golden eyes uncertain and pleading and for once Kym gives in.

"So you decided to climb my window? Copycat," she makes a joke, gesturing for Lauren to sit in the chair.

Lauren chuckles lightly though she stays standing.

"Only seemed appropriate given how you visited me last time," she notes but then turns to Kym her face now utterly serious.

"Are you alright? Lila said you were sick."

"I've been better," Kym shrugs. Lauren bites her lip.

"Kym, about yesterday- I just came to apologize. And offer an explanation of this whole mess."

For a moment Kym almost forgets to breathe.

It's not fair, she thinks. It's not fair how she always manages to just get the best of me no matter the circumstance.

"You know it kinda hurt me," she says looking down at her feet, her words - half-joke but the whole truth.

"First the dating, then the Lune business - at this point I kinda expect you to just admit you have a secret child somewhere!"

"What? No-" Lauren starts but then pauses.

"Sorry. But no, no child don't worry. And while we're at it no boyfriend either. Kieran and I… we faked it. To keep our cover."

A small part of Kym wants to breathe out in relief, but there's still one part of that confession that pricks up in Kym's chest like lost shrapnel.

"Faked it? So you don't fake it anymore."

"What? No! Yes! I mean-" Lauren protests this time in a loud whisper before giving up and slumping into Kym's chair one hand in her hair.

"Well, I'm not sure if there would be a point anymore. I mean you know and-"

"I won't tell!" Kym hurries with a reply.

"I promise."

Lauren blinks in a surprise, before her expression settles into a sad smile, her cheeks painted in the faintest blush of relief.

"I… thank you, Kym."

And that smile - it's not a bullet and it's not shrapnel - this time it's a rope winding around her throat lungs, tighter and tighter, forcing everything out of her chest.

"You're welcome," she chokes out with a smile.

"What are besties for?"

Lauren's eyes shot to her filled with hurt and shock and she looks like she's on the verge of tears.

Still, she bites down the tears in a manner so similar to how Kym swallows the petals and shakes her head.

"I've been an awful friend, wasn't I? First lying to you, then burdening you with all of this."

"No, you're not-" Kym starts but then pauses to fight off the flowers once more.

"I know you, Laur," she starts again clearing her throat, "you had your reasoning for doing what you were doing I'm sure. I'm just angry you never thought of confiding in me."

Lauren just nods to do that and for a moment the silence settles over the room, deafening and heavy and uncomfortable one. Still, neither one breaches it for a while - Lauren gathering strength to say something again, and Kym knowing this is not her turn to speak.

"I wanted to - a few times actually," Lauren admits, running her hand over the back of her neck, "One time I even stood on your doorstep ready to knock..."

"Why didn't you then?" Kym intervenes.

Lauren looks up, her eyes golden but red at the same time.

"Because I couldn't lose another person I care about."

The answer was clear and calm and still filled with too much pain and too much regret.

Kym felt her heart squeeze as she stood up, inching closer to Lauren.

"Laur..."

"I mean it, Kym," Lauren stands up abruptly, moving towards Kym, the determination clear in her face.

"Lune business is dangerous. _Kieran_ is dangerous. And I can't let anyone be hurt because of me again. I can't let _you_ get hurt because of me. I love you too much to ever forgive myself if that happened."

And that's it - the noose closes completely and Kym knows she has to let it out - either her confession or the flowers, there's not enough space in heart to accommodate both.

She opens her mouth to speak to explain herself or accuse Lauren some more to-

"Kym, dear!" a voice comes from downstairs, making both girls just.

"You have visitors!"

Kym jerks back, whipping her head to frown at the door with confusion, then back at Lauren.

The red-head lets out a sigh.

"It must be Will and Lila."

"I see," Kym steps back, only now realizing how close she got to her friend.

"I should go check on them," she whispers before turning to open the door.

"Sure, mom! I'll be right there!"

She gives Lauren one last glance unsure whether to tell her to go or stay, so she doesn't say anything just shrugs and vanishes in the corridor, closing the door behind her.

The people downstairs are indeed Will and Lila, both of them looking a bit awkward and worried like a duo of kids coming to ask if their friend is well enough to go out and play.

"Oh hey, guys!" Kym flashes them a smile.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I was sleeping-"

"Sure," her mom shakes her head.

"I could hear you talking to yourself, young lady. You should take better care of your throat dear. You've been coughing all morning all the way up till lunch."

"Sorry, mom," Kym smiles back at her mom before turning back to the duo.

"So, what brings you two here? Please tell me Hermann is not sending some work for home or something like that."

"Luckily no," Will smiles back at her, his eyes slightly worried, but then again when they aren't? He always carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. She just hopes one day he finds someone to help him with that load.

"We just wanted to check on how you're feeling. Lila brought you some tea. And I cake."

He lifts a medium box in his hands and then turns to rummage through his pockets.

"Also, Lukas wanted me to give you this," he says pulling out a small note.

The smile dies on Kym's lips as she accepts it.

"Did you read it?" she asks before opening it, but both Will and Lila shake their heads.

"He sent it to you, not either of us," Will explains.

"Oh, I see," Kym lets out a breath of relief.

The message inside the note is simple - it's a phone number and under it written in Lukas' surprisingly well-kept penmanship "Jenkinson MD. Just call and say I sent you. Don't waste any more time."

Her throat closes up again.

"Well, thank you for everything," she looks up at Lila and Will shoving the note into her pocket.

"But I wouldn't want you to get infected from me. So I should just...go rest."

Will opens his mouth to protest but then looks back at Lila and nods.

"Sure. Mrs Ladell," he bows lightly to Kym's mom and turns to the door.

"And Kym. Get well soon. We miss you in the office."

Kym's eyes with water. If this all goes as planned, she would have to change precincts for good.

She jumps down from the stairs giving both of her coworkers a quick hug.

"Thank you guys," she mumbles before pulling back abruptly, smile holding back the tears.

"No, go! Before I get snot all over you or something!"

***

As the duo leaves, Kym asks her mom to put the cake to the fridge and slouches back to her room.

Her eyes are cast to the floor until she closes the door, leaning against them in exasperation and that's why only then she notices Lauren is still in the room.

"You waited," she breathes out half surprised when she notices Lauren's stern posture, her fists curled up and in one of them - shit she didn't hide it before, did she?

Kym gulps, the need to run away and need to grab the notebook with the half-written confession from Lauren's hands freezing her in space.

"You weren't supposed to read that until-"

The notebook drops to the ground and the sound finally makes Kym able to move, but it's too late and the next moment Lauren is closing the distance between them, grabbing her shirt and pulling her closer, her lips landing on Kym's violently in a rushed kiss.

Tears of shock burst from Kym's eyes, the noose suddenly snapping, shots fired, but this time it doesn't hurt, no, this time it's fireworks, not bullets, exploding behind her eyes. It takes her only a second before she wraps her hands over Luren's waist closing her eyes and reciprocating the kiss as the sparks return life to her body, filling her with warmth.

Lauren is the first one to pull away, her expression wild and hurt and shocked and oh so loving and Kym suddenly wants to laugh and scream and dance, though she does not know what for.

"The flowers?" Lauren asks urgently and Kym blinks in surprise before laughter finally find its way to her lips and she giggles half in surprise half in embarrassment.

"They… they're gone!" she exclaims, still in shock, her eyes finding Lauren's, the sun meeting its counterpart.

"Lauren, you… you love m-" she's cut off by another kiss on the corner of her lips and after that, she cannot more but return it, every little kiss Lauren plants on her face returned ten times fold as her hands find their way to Lauren's hair, messing up he already half loose bun even further.

"You idiot!" Lauren gasps in between the kisses.

"And I could have lost you! You'd be gone forever if I just haven't read that stupid letter and -ah," she breaths out as Kym finds her lips again.

"You could have just told me," she finally lets out as they calm down. Kym giggles lightly as Lauren's breath shivers her nose.

"We were both idiots weren't we?" she says, only now realizing she didn't check the door and quickly turning to lock it, before turning back to Lauren.

"Only I wasn't dying from my secret," Lauren couldn't help but quip.

Kym rolls her eyes.

"As if getting chased by both sides of the law was that much better," she notes and Lauren flinches slightly.

"You know I have to do it, Kym," she tries to explain, "I-"

"I know," Kym pulls her friend closer until they are leaning against the door, she safely pushed between the wood and Lauren's hands.

She caresses Lauren's face in her hands, her fingers brushing over her cheels. She's not wearing any makeup and her skin are pale and not at all glowing like it on the party a few days ago, but still she s the most beautiful thing Kym has ever seen. 

"And since I know I can't stop you," she looks up her eyes meeting Lauren's, "I want to help."

"What?" Lauren frowns, pulling back slightly.

"I can't put you into such danger."

"And neither can I you. Not alone. We're besties, aren't we?" Kym tilts her head with a smirk before intertwining her fingers with Laurens and adding hopefully, "Well, actually something more now."

Lauren's chest drops with a content sigh as she lifts their joined hands up to kiss Kym's .

"I would like to think too… though I still have to pretend to go out with Kieran. At least until this is all over."

"That's.. that's alright," Kym odds but then her eyes widen with the sudden realization.

"Wait, does he even know you're here? And aren't you two on love? Or at least, he is in love with you? Oh good, he's going to be so upset-!"

"What? No!" Lauren grabs her face like before steadying her gaze at her to stop her from spiralling.

"It's alright, Kym. I told you we aren't dating. It was all a rouse. Kieran actually has a boyfriend - I think. Kieran's very cryptic about it. I just know he's a medic. And yes, he knows. He actually suggested I should try to recruit you since you know anyways."

"Oh." Kym lets out a small breath of relief and despite herself giggles.

"Well, that's good. I kinda like him. Not as much as you thought," she adds, and then she grabs Lauren pulling her into another kiss - this time long and luxurious, filled with victory and lightheartedness.

"And no more lies from now on," she breathes out as they separate.

Lauren smiles at her, her lips swollen and so beautiful.

"Of course," she sighs letting her forehead rest against Kym's, "Cross my heart, hope to die, you're giving me anxiety but I'll comply."

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I love Kym, she's sweet and smart and kind and wonderful and the best friend Lauren could ever have and honestly she deserves just the best in the world.  
> Also me: *makes Kym suffer from a potentially deadly disease believing her crush won't ever return her feelings in three out of five hanahaki fics I wrote*  
> (I mean one of those fic is plain crack, but that's also the one where she dies so...)
> 
> Okay, hello there, dear reader!
> 
> A few comments before we depart...
> 
> I turned the New Year's party to a ball of sorts because I just needed that dance time.  
> Also the idea of Kym and Lauren dancing to scare off potential ~~threats~~ suitors and making a tradition out of it is not mine, but it comes from another brilliant PH fanfiction: [Dramatic Dance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26884267) from [crab2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crab2/pseuds/crab2)  
> The dresses the girls are wearing and that I did a poor job of describing are inspired by [Monica's ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monica_Tailor) work that can be found [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/CHRxoFYBKQB/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) and for tumblr folk [ here ](https://monica-tailor.tumblr.com/post/634071976724545536/no-thoughts-no-feelings-today-just-kym-and-lauren)  
> (I just like the idea of ladellair wearing each other's colours with Lauren in sun-like dress and Kym's ones being more night themed)
> 
> Also there's this wonderful [Hanahaki Kym art ](https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ0ldELsu65/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) from [kymscoffeemug ](https://www.instagram.com/kymscoffeemug/) \- not that it's related to this fic, but it's CUTE AF and motivated me to finish this stuff <3 
> 
> The characters, themselves all belong to Ephemerys and Sophism
> 
> Here's 
> 
> [webtoon ](https://www.webtoons.com/en/mystery/purple-hyacinth/list?title_no=1621&page=1)  
>   
> [ discord ](https://discord.gg/Y7r2fDg)
> 
> As per usual feel free but not oblidged to leave comments and kudos and have a nice day!


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